Con Chronicles: ColossalCon 2014

Colossal Con

ColossalCon

Overall

Holy Crap. Can I just like, move every con to Kalahari Resort? Wait. That would involve the two day travel every time I went to a con. Pretty waters and villa and baby animals… but 4 hour train ride followed by 6+ hours of driving.

 ColossalCon Crew

Villa MatesPhoto by Andy B.
Back Row L to R: Andy B, Zacloudseth, Byndo Gehk, Gillykins, Chris C (tiger arms), Calamity, ‘Grey’, Liquid Cocaine Photography, ‘Shanks’, MLZStudios, Dude with the Coheed tattoo, Justin
Middle: Sweet Sensation Photography, Melting Mirror, Sperren, Fushichō, ??, Miele, Eveille, Anj, Tamar
FrontElysiam  
Missing: ACKSON, WHERE ARE YOU? and Jomo who missed the shot.

I just got back home yesterday and I already miss Colossal, and have plans for next year to be even better. They are as follows:

    1. Don’t move the week(end) before. Srsly.
      1. Then I won’t pass out pre-party each night and miss the Twerk off. (more on that later) 
    2. Have more water-friendly costumes ready.
    3. Have a more bikini-friendly shape ready.
    4. Book shoots in advance.
    5. BOOK THE MOTHERFUCKING TIGER BABEEZ.

Wednesday

Whaaaat there was a Wednesday part of this con? (my readership of two asks) [Hi mom! Hi Cosplay Cat!]

Why yes there was. Kind of, anyhow. I ended  up taking a half day off work to unpack from moving so that I could re-pack some stuff to go to Colossal. I also took an hour and a bit (with help from Cat) to sew up a quick costume since Victreebelle just didn’t get done in time.

 Hard at work.

Guess who helped.

After shipping off Cat to camp (she likes it best at my parents), I headed down to the train station to start the first leg of the journey with Melting Mirror

Rail Travel Protip:

VIA rail has Wifi. Do not expect it to be faster than Dial-Up. (Bah-duh Ktsschhhhhhh). Wait, did I just date myself? Shit. Moving along! Andy B’s lovely lady friend was nice enough to pick us up from the station, and we crashed on his couch that night.

Thursday

Bright and early, we got up and got ready to hit the road. There were some minor hiccups though, and we were unable to make the first rendezvous point for the Canada Caravan. Luckily(?) Andy drives pretty fast,  and we ended up meeting up with the rest of the Caravan at the Duty Free. Five cars packed full of Canadian Con goers, ready to invade visit Ohio.

The trip passed mostly without incident, and we arrived at Kalahari mid afternoon. And dear god was it beautiful to step out of the car and stretch.

The villa we checked into was pretty nice too:

 Villa Interior

I beleive the correct term is ‘baller’.

Moar villa

Or ‘Pimpin’. 

I felt like we had accidentally signed up for a new show: Big Brother: Cosplay Edition. There were beds for 18 people, three full bathrooms and one half, a pool table, granite counters, leather furniture, a jacuzzi and a patio. Plus all the mirrors we needed.

Because mirrors are srs bsns when getting ready. I still wake up in a cold sweat when I flash back to the tragedy of the Great NYC Mirror Panic of 2013.

I helped cook supper, making appetizers to hold people over until Ackson‘s Lasagna was done. The asparagus were pretty popular so here’s how I made them:

Calamity’s Super Awesome Prosciutto-Asparagi

That make you believe she can actually cook. Baha!

    1. Buy Asparagus.
    2. Buy Prosciutto.
    3. Wash those asparagi, and snap off the tough shit at the end.
      1. Just bend… and snap!
    4. Steal Ackson’s cheese he got for the lasagna.
    5. Steal the Balsamic vinagarette for the salad.
      1. Check for hidden death in form of sundried tomatoes.
    6. Apologize for stealing because Canadian, but use them anyways.
    7. Roll asparagus in prosciutto. Place on tray.
    8. Pour stolen vingarette over asparagi.
    9. Sprinkle stolen cheese over top.
    10. Return stolen items with appropriate puppy-eyes so no one gets mad, and promise to share your asparagi once you’ve had your share.
    11. Broil at a low heat and add extra stolen vinagarette if asparagi start to look dry.
    12. take all the ones with the most cheese, then share.
    13. Noms.

Thursday was kind of a blur after that, an awesome, awesome blur of new faces and names.

Friday

Up pretty early, at 9:30, I made eggs for breakfast and stared enviously at the rest of the Villa dwellers who had french toast. Damnit gluten. Y U so mean to me?

I had a shoot booked with Liquid Cocaine Photography that morning/early afternoon, so I got Psy-ai-ai-ducked up and dragged her out to shoot in some Tall Grass. We bonded over concern about ticks (if she got bit by one, I’d have to pay for), and snakes (if I got bit by one, I’d have to pay forwait…)

Psyduck

Thematically similar to Victreebelle…

In the end, the only thing that I got bitten by was a mosquito, and I made that fucker pay with the hand of death. I can’t wait to see the pics from this shoot, because Psyduck.

Psyduck.

I changed out of costume for some reason, (looking back I should have just kept wearing it,) and tagged along with Mirror for her shoot with Anna’s Cosplay Photography. Although, really, I sat with their bags in the shade and lounged. I’m the best cosplay handler ever, right?

 Watchin' shoots

 Watching strangers in a shoot, like the creeper I am.

After the shoots were all done for the day, we hit up the water park. And I was both reminded how a) I’m still not happy with my fitness level, and b) how awesome water parks are. Especially when they’re heated, and indoors.

Also, there’s a friggen swim-up hot tub bar.

Um. Yes.

Then there was drinking and I fell asleep early and missed most of it. (see item up top about ‘not moving’ before a con.)

Saturday

I had a shoot with Goat and Elemental saturday morning. After breakfast, I got goatified up, and was just putting on my goat-coat when Elemental showed up. Conviniently, she was at the Canadian villa attached to our canadian villa.

I’m also super excited for this photoshoot, because water park and Water goat. YES PLEASE.

She's a Baaahd Bitch

Photo by Beat Down Boogie. Does this mean I’m famous? Baaah haha, nope.
(pun totally intended)

I also got asked by Beat Down Boogie‘s videographer for a shot. Which was also hella awesome, because they’re kind of a big deal. And I’m not yet.

Unfortunately, after a supremely shitty attempt on my part at underwater photos (I swim as well as a… um. Something that doesn’t swim well), the goat costume had to be taken off and hung up to dry.

Underwater Shoot Protips:

  • Fasten your wig like fucking fort knox. It floats in water and gets heavy as shit when you surface.
  • Unless something is advertised as ‘waterproof’ makeup, it is not. Never assume or you’ll look like Rocket Racoon.
  • Look into nose plugs if you have trouble with water going down your throat.
  • Breathe the air out of your lungs as you go under. Otherwise you float and look weird.
  • Plan what you’re going to do under the water before you go under.
  • Practice before hand.

Any spontaneous shoots were out of the picture, so I wiped off the sad-clown-goat makeup the water had turned my face into, and hung out on the patio with some other lovely people: Mai Sheri, Gillykins, Jelly King, and more.

Villa Patio

Oh we had a patio too. Maybe the right term for the Villa would be ‘baller pimpin’ ‘.
Or not. I’msowhite.

You should see Jelly’s Penusaur. VENUSAUR. It’s the cutest fucking thing.

Mai Sheri and a group of others explored the petting zoo, spotting super cute lemurs and goats (MY BROTHERS!) and fed hundreds of budgies. I made many feathered friends, but one decided to bite and then shit on me. It’s nice to be thought of so highly. </3

[picture to come of birdies when I have bothered Mai Sheri to get one.]

Mirror and I also were lucky enough to bump into Stella Chuu and Chuubear who were wearing gorgeous Lingerie versions of Princess Serenity and Sailor Galaxia. They were both super nice, and we chatted about the shops in NYC’s Fabric district during a break in their shoot.

There was more hot tubbing and a tasty meal at the Reserve Restaurant. (Gluten-free burger buns! YAY ILU ❤ KALAHARI) Then I missed the most epic party this side of Miami, because I fell asleep.

Colossal Con

 

I slept through this ;-;
-Photo by Andy B.
 

Things Calamity missed at said Epic Party(tm):

  • Twerk off
  • Beat down boogie filming in the hot tub
  • buffer massages
  • sparkler signs
  • Singing questionably
  • and much more.

Epic Party Protip:

SERIOUSLY. DON’T MOVE THE WEEK BEFORE COLOSSAL CON GUYZ. ITS NOT WORTH IT.

Sunday

I came downstairs Sunday morning expecting there to be the mother of all messes to clean up. I cannot tell you how surprised and impressed I was to see that the villa was cleaner (but stickier from spilled drinks – I hope) than it had been when I’d gone to bed.

Miraculously, we had breakfast and got everyone out and packed without any casualties other than a pair of men’s shorts and Ackson’s novelty nudist apron. I can only imagine the looks of horror/amusement on the cleaning staff’s faces when that shows up in the mound of dirty towels.

Sad Sunday Rains

Sad Sunday weather. Photo by Andy B.

I spent Sunday wandering the con with Andy, his GF and Mirror, running into people and saying good bye. We were lucky enough to run into Anna again, and we sat down on some toilet seats in the arcade (it was at a water/bath game? I dunno guys, I won’t lie… it was weird…) for a quick confence about WCS and tips on how to best prep for it.

I cannot tell you how helpful that was.

Then there was the long drive home. Well, to half way home. Then there was supper, and sleep, and then a train ride home-home, on which Mirror and I alternatively slept and planned out WCS tactics.

Needless to say, guess who’s in charge of the project plan? 😀 EXCEL ALL THE THINGS.

xx Calamity

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