C is for Cookies (And Calamity) (And Cat-astrophe)(And cooking… and…

gingerbread shots from Jelly Shot test kitchen

Hello folks,

Last week I was tagged by one of my writerly friends, Marie Bilodeau, to bake cookies! Marie is generally awesome, she’s written two trilogies (Heirs of a Broken Land and Destiny [aka Things Die]) and is working on a serial novel at the moment called Nigh. You should read them. There’s lots of character death.

But Marie, in all her sweet-hearted bloodlust, forgot a crucial thing about this request: I can’t eat wheat.

HIssy fit

THANKS MARIE.

So anyways. While I can’t enjoy holiday cookies, that doesn’t I can’t make them and share the recipe.

Scottish candied ginger and bittersweet chocolate shortbread.

Rosmary candied ginger cookies

The recipe for the pale facsimile above can be found at Seven Spoons

What you’ll need is…

TEARS OF SORROW.

I never said I would share the recipe, you gluten-tolerant jerks.

Instead here’s an actual recipe for how to make Calamity-friendly ‘cookies’. These are also known as ‘Booze’.

These.

L- R: Eggnog, Gingerbread, & Butterbeer Jelly shots from the Jelly Shot Test Kitchen.

GET JELLY

I actually don’t like eggnog, or as the French call it “Chicken Milk”. Seriously. Would you drink something called ‘Chicken Milk’? BIRDS DON’T HAVE MAMMARIES FOR A REASON GUYS. Anyways, I just linked that because it’s ‘thematically appropriate’.

Anyhow, because this is a geek blog, I’ll cover butterbeer. You can, if you’re not legal, still make these according to the site.

Also, to make these kid-friendly, just add extra creme soda and a little bit of caramel sauce in place of the hootch (a tablespoon or two, to taste – you don’t want things to get sticky).

You poor things.

Butterbeer Jelly Shots (oho u so jelly!)

originally found here

butterbeer shots from Jelly Shot test kitchen

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup cream soda
  • 2 envelopes plain gelatin
  • 1/3 cup vanilla vodka – Calamity says: Stoli Vanil is the tastiest, but anything save Smirnoff should be fine
  • 2/3 cup butterscotch schnapps

Optional:

  • colored large crystal sugar, for garnish, if desired
  • wooden coffee stirrers (the stems)

Instructions:

Pour soda in a medium saucepan and sprinkle with gelatin. Allow to soak for a minute or two.Heat over low heat, stirring constantly, until the gelatin is dissolved (about 5 minutes). Remove from heat.

Stir in the vodka and schnapps. Pour into standard loaf pan (non-reactive metal or glass, approx. 9″ x 5″).

Refrigerate until fully set (about 3 hours).

Calamity note: Feel free to drink some Stoli while waiting. It’s great mixed with coke. (the cola, geez, guys.)

To serve, cut into desired shapes.

Immediately before serving, dip in colored crystal sugar, for garnish, if desired.

Then enjoy! as always, don’t drink (or in this case, slurp) and drive.

Enjoy your holiday food, you jerks. *munches on rice crackers sullenly*

xox Calamity

Edit: Apparently I was supposed to tag people. Whoops!

2 thoughts on “C is for Cookies (And Calamity) (And Cat-astrophe)(And cooking… and…

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